In the early years of a relationship, we face many problems and difficulties. Over time, most of them can be dealt with, and we no longer have to constantly struggle to keep the relationship afloat. Psychologists Linda and Charlie Bloom believe that it is in our power to take relationships to a higher level, gaining real sexual and emotional well-being — but for this you will have to work hard.
If we make an unspoken pact with a partner: to grow and develop together, then we will have many opportunities to push each other to self-improvement. There is great potential for personal growth in relationships, and we can learn a lot about ourselves by perceiving a partner as a kind of “mirror” (and without a mirror, as you know, it is difficult to see our own characteristics and shortcomings).
When the phase of passionate love passes, we begin to get to know each other better, along with all the disadvantages inherent in each of us. And at the same time, we begin to see our own unsightly features in the “mirror”. For example, we can see in ourselves an egoist or a snob, a hypocrite or an aggressor, we are surprised to find laziness or arrogance, pettiness or lack of self-control.
This «mirror» shows all the gloomy and dark hidden deep within us. However, by discovering such traits in ourselves, we can take control of them and prevent irreparable damage to our relationships.
By using a partner as a mirror, we can really get to know ourselves deeply and make our lives better.
Of course, having learned so much bad things about ourselves, we can experience discomfort and even shock. But there will also be reasons to rejoice. The same “mirror” reflects all the good that we have: creativity and intelligence, generosity and kindness, the ability to enjoy the little things. But if we want to see all this, then we will have to agree to see our own “shadow”. One is impossible without the other.
By using a partner as a mirror, we can really get to know ourselves deeply and through this make our lives better. Adherents of spiritual practices spend decades trying to know themselves by immersing themselves in prayer or meditation, but relationships can greatly speed up this process.
In the «magic mirror» we can observe all our patterns of behavior and thinking — both productive and preventing us from living. We can consider our fears and our own loneliness. And thanks to this, we can understand exactly how we are trying to hide those features for which we are ashamed.
Living with a partner under the same ceiling, we are forced to “look in the mirror” every day. However, some of us seem to try to cover it with a black veil: what they once saw scared them too much. Someone even has a desire to “break the mirror”, break off relations, just to get rid of it.
By opening ourselves to a partner and receiving love and acceptance from him, we learn to love ourselves.
They all miss out on a wonderful opportunity to learn more about themselves and grow as a person. Passing the painful path of self-recognition, we not only establish contact with our inner “I”, but also improve our relationship with a partner for whom we serve as the exact same “mirror”, helping him or her develop. This process eventually begins to affect all areas of our lives, giving us energy, health, well-being and a desire to share with others.
Getting closer to ourselves, we become closer to our partner, which, in turn, helps us take one more step towards our inner “I”. Opening all of ourselves to a partner and receiving love and acceptance from him, we learn to love ourselves.
Over time, we get to know ourselves and our partner much better. We cultivate patience, courage, generosity, the ability to empathize, the ability to show both gentleness and indomitable will. We do not just strive for self-improvement, but also actively help our partner grow and, together with him, expand the horizons of the possible.
Ask yourself: Do you use a «magic mirror»? If not yet, are you willing to take the risk?