Hevitra ato Anatiny
“The Internet — it does not bring together. It’s a collection of loneliness. We seem to be together, but each one. The illusion of communication, the illusion of friendship, the illusion of life … «
The above quote from Janusz Wisniewski’s book «Loneliness on the Web» accurately reflects the state of affairs today. But just some 20 years ago, you could, without thinking about comfort, go camping with friends. Remember how they pitched tents, sang songs with a guitar by the fire, how they swam naked under the moon? And how embarrassing was it to start a conversation with a girl that you liked so much? And what a delight it was when the treasured numbers of the home phone number were written on a piece of paper …
Do you remember? How her father’s stern voice waited on the other end of the phone, and then those walks under the moon and, of course, that first awkward kiss. It seemed that here it is, happiness! The happiness that overwhelmed you when you skipped home, dreaming of a cloudless future. And it doesn’t matter that there are still so many years of training, night work, an empty wallet and a cramped dorm room. The main thing was the understanding: “They are waiting for me there. I’m not alone».
Technology unites the world, but it divides us
But what now? It would seem that in the era of global communications, we cannot be alone, because our relatives, friends, acquaintances are just one click away from us. You can easily find friends of interest, like-minded people or flirt freely in dating apps.
But for some reason, loneliness in the world does not become less every year. On the contrary, more and more people are asking themselves simple and at the same time daunting questions:
Why am I so alone?
Why can’t I build normal relationships for so long?
Are there really no normal men (women) left?
What is the reason for the growing global loneliness and where to look for answers to these simple questions?
Before our eyes, full-fledged communication is being replaced by superficial correspondence. Emoticons instead of words, abbreviations instead of the integrity of the language — the substitution of meanings emotionally impoverish the participants in such a dialogue. Emoji steal emotions.
In communication with the opposite sex, concentration on one person is not achieved, the illusion of an infinite choice is formed. After all, it is enough to press the “remove from pairs” button and continue your endless journey on the Web. Into the world of imposed stereotypes and patterns, inhabited by the same lonely people as we are.
Each of the inhabitants of this world has its own social media account with an improved version of itself.: here and success, and beauty, and mind. A kaleidoscope of ideal and such unfortunate users.
Learn to be again, not to seem
So why is it so difficult to build relationships? It would seem that the image of a perfect prince or princess is ready. Go to one of the dozens of dating sites — and go! But failure awaits us precisely because our best version of ourselves often has nothing to do with real life. And over time, we not only begin to believe in this false image ourselves, but also build the same unrealistic expectations from a potential partner.
The problem is aggravated by the fact that on the other side of the screen the situation is mirrored: the same unloved child with low self-esteem is looking at us, who is trying to hide his imperfection behind a beautiful wrapper, for whom entering the real world is a difficult task due to undeveloped fears and complexes:
inferiority complex (self-doubt),
abandoned complex (fear of being rejected),
hermit complex (fear of responsibility and intimacy),
omnipotence complex (I am the best, and it is impossible not to love me).
It is the combination of these problems that leads to the fact that most online dating ends in the virtual world, replenishing every day the bottomless piggy bank of loneliness in the real world.
What to do and how to finally get out of this vicious circle?
Avelao ny tenanao ho tsy lavorary
Top tip: It’s important to be willing to step out of your virtual comfort zone and face your fears. There can be many fears. This is the fear of embarrassment (I may seem stupid if I say something wrong), the fear of being rejected (especially if such a negative experience was in the past), the fear of intimacy, especially intimate (that the image or picture from the social network will collapse in reality). Of course, this is not easy, but here you will be helped by the realization that we are not perfect, and this imperfection is absolutely normal!
A few simple but effective tips for live communication
They will help you overcome your fears and finally enter the real world.
Schedule a date for a specific date and time. Don’t be afraid to voice your wishes.
Treat the date as an adventure, a new experience. Don’t place big bets on it right away. This will help reduce anxiety.
Admit your concern to your partner. This is the first step to being yourself and showing that you are a living person.
Stop looking for excuses (wrong condition today, mood, day, phase of the moon), follow a clearly defined plan.
Live the moment here and now. Do not think for your partner what they think of you, how you look.
Concentrate on emotions, sounds, tastes.
And, most importantly, remember that no virtual surrogate, no matter how perfect it may be, will not replace live human communication.