Momba ny soa azo avy amin'ny fitiavana "tsy misy valiny".

how and why does «unrequited» love appear?

I put this word in quotation marks, because, in my opinion, there is no unrequited love: there is an energy flow between people, there are polarities — plus and minus. When one loves, the other undoubtedly needs this love, he evokes it, broadcasts the need for this love, albeit often non-verbally, specifically to this person: with his eyes, facial expressions, gestures.

It’s just that the one who loves has an open heart, while the one who «does not love», rejects love, has defenses in the form of fears or introjected, irrational beliefs. He does not feel his love and need for intimacy, but at the same time he gives double signals: he lures, charms, seduces.

The body of your loved one, his look, voice, hands, movements, smell tell you: “yes”, “I want you”, “I need you”, “I feel good with you”, “I am happy”. All this gives you complete confidence that he is «your» man. But out loud, he says, «No, I don’t love you.»

Avy aiza io lasitra tsy mahasalama io, izay, araka ny hevitro, dia toetran'ny toe-tsaina tsy matotra: manambany sy mitsipaka izay tia antsika, ary tia ireo izay mety handà antsika?

Let’s remember childhood. All the girls were in love with the same boy, the “coolest” leader, and all the boys were in love with the most beautiful and impregnable girl. But if this leader fell in love with some girl, he immediately ceased to be interesting to her: “Oh, well, he … Carries my briefcase, walks on my heels, obeys me in everything. Weak.» And if the most beautiful and impregnable girl reciprocated some boy, he, too, often grew cold: “What’s wrong with her? She’s not a queen, just an ordinary girl. I’m stuck — I don’t know how to get rid of it.

Avy aiza io? Hatramin'ny fahazazany traikefa mampalahelo momba ny fandavana. Indrisy anefa fa maro taminay no nandà ray aman-dreny. Nalevina tao amin'ny fahitalavitra i Dada: mba hisarihana ny sainy dia nilaina ny ho lasa mahaliana kokoa noho ny "boaty", manaova tanana na mandeha amin'ny kodiarana. Renim-pianakaviana reraka mandrakizay sy variana, izay ny tsiky sy ny fiderana dia mety ho vokatry ny diary tsy misy afa-tsy dimy. Ny tsara indrindra ihany no mendrika hotiavina: hendry, tsara tarehy, salama, atletika, mahaleo tena, mahay, mpianatra mahay.

Taty aoriana, amin'ny maha-olon-dehibe, ny manankarena indrindra, ny sata, ny voninahitra, ny hajaina, ny malaza, ny malaza dia ampiana ao amin'ny lisitry ny mendrika ny fitiavana.

Efa nitombo izahay, saingy mbola tsy mitady lalana mora amin'ny lalan'ny fitiavana. Ilaina ny mampiseho fahagagana amin'ny herim-po, mandresy ny fahasahiranana goavana, ho tonga ny tsara indrindra, hahatratra ny zava-drehetra, hamonjy, handresy, mba hahatsapana ny hafalian'ny fifankatiavana. Ny fiheveran-tenantsika dia tsy miovaova, tsy maintsy "mamahana" azy hatrany amin'ny zava-bita isika mba hanaiky ny tenantsika.

Ahoana no ahafahan’ny olona iray manaiky sy mitia antsika raha tsy tia sy manaiky ny tenantsika isika? Raha tiana fotsiny isika noho ny maha-izy antsika, dia tsy takatsika hoe: “Tsy nanao na inona na inona aho. Tsy misy vidiny aho, tsy mendrika, adala, ratsy fanahy. Tsy mendrika na inona na inona. Nahoana aho no tia ahy? Angamba, ny tenany (izy) dia tsy maneho na inona na inona.

“Satria nanaiky hanao firaisana tamin’ny fiarahana voalohany izy, dia azo inoana fa miara-matory amin’ny rehetra izy”, hoy ny fitarainan’ny namako iray. “Tena nanaiky hitia anao avy hatrany izy, noho ny lehilahy rehetra nofidiny anao. Tena ambany loatra ve ianao ka mihevitra fa tsy afaka ny ho tia anao ny vehivavy raha vao mahita anao sy matory aminao?

The pattern is clear, but this does not change anything: as long as a person is psychologically immature, he will continue to reproduce it. What to do for those who fell into the trap of «unrequited» love? Do not be sad. This is a difficult, but very useful experience for the development of the soul. So what does such love teach?

What can «Unrequited» love teach?

• tohano ny tenanao sy ny fiheveranao ny tenanao, tiavo ny tenanao amin'ny toe-javatra sarotra amin'ny fandavana, tsy misy fanohanana avy any ivelany;
• miorim-paka, ho amin'ny zava-misy marina, tsy mahita mainty sy fotsy ihany, fa koa matoatoa va ny loko hafa;
• manatrika eto sy ankehitriny;
• mankasitraka izay tsara amin'ny fifandraisana, na inona na inona zavatra kely;
• tsara ny mahita sy mandre olon-tiana, olona tena izy, fa tsy nofinofinao;
• manaiky ny olon-tiana miaraka amin'ny kilema sy ny fahalemena rehetra;
• mangoraka, mangoraka, maneho hatsaram-panahy sy famindram-po;
• mahatakatra ny tena ilainy sy ny zavatra antenainy;
• mandray andraikitra, manaova ny dingana voalohany;
• manitatra ny paletten'ny fihetseham-po: na dia fihetseham-po ratsy aza ireo, dia mampanan-karena ny fanahy;
• miaina sy mahatanty ny hamafin'ny fihetseham-po;
• maneho ny fihetseham-po amin’ny alalan’ny fihetsika sy ny teny mba ho re;
• mankasitraka ny fihetseham-pon’ny hafa;
• hajao ny fetra, ny hevitra ary ny fahalalahana hisafidy ny olon-tiana;
• mampivelatra ny fahaiza-manao ara-toekarena, azo ampiharina, ao an-tokantrano;
• omeo, omeo, zarao, mahafoy;
• ho tsara tarehy, atletika, salama tsara.

Amin'ny ankapobeny, ny fitiavana mahery vaika, tafavoaka velona amin'ny toe-javatra henjana amin'ny tsy fifampiraharahana, dia hanery anao handresy ny fetra sy ny tahotra maro, hampianatra anao hanao ho an'ny olon-tianao izay tsy mbola nataonao hatrizay, hanitatra ny paletten'ny fihetseham-po sy ny fahaiza-manao fifandraisana.

Ahoana anefa raha tsy manampy izany rehetra izany? Raha ny tenanao no idealy, fa ny fon'ny olon-tianao dia mijanona ho anao?

As Frederick Perls, the founder of Gestalt therapy, said: “If the meeting does not happen, nothing can be done about it.” In any case, the relationship skills and wide range of feelings you have learned in the experience of such love are your investment in yourself for life. They will stay with you and will definitely help you in a new relationship with a person who can reciprocate your love — with heart, body, mind, and the words: «I love you.»