The singer, who became a mother for the third time a month ago, knows how to ensure that there is no jealousy between children.
18 May 2017
Find the right moment to inform your elders about the addition to the family
– I didn’t tell my daughters that I was expecting a baby for a long time. She herself did not believe her happiness. I’ve wanted a baby for so long! She said only on the fourth or even the fifth month. I collected them and say: “I have an important statement for you: you will have a brother or sister.” Monica (the girl is five years old. – Approx. “Antenna”) was immediately delighted, she is very loving with us, and Alina, at the age of 12, keeps all emotions in herself, so she took the news seriously. Maybe she also remembered what it felt like when Monica was born. She has an explosive character, she is active, loves attention, so then the eldest got it.
Make elders share in the expectation.
I reminded my daughters that I was counting on their help, that they would water and feed the baby with me, and the girls were very happy about this. Monica didn’t go to kindergarten without kissing my tummy. And Alina, as an adult, was madly worried about me, made sure that I did not lift anything heavy. In general, everyone was looking forward to the new family member.
To avoid being torn between children, spend time together.
What I didn’t expect was that the hardest part of getting everyone to bed with the third child will be. Children all go to bed at the same time. And they are used to having their backs scratched, telling fairy tales, but you simply do not have so many hands. It was decided to sleep for the time being four, so that I would not be torn. And the girls have never complained that their brother wakes up at night. On the contrary, when my strength is running out, and I’m ready to surrender, suddenly in the darkness Monica’s hand with a nipple reaches out to me. Monica and Alina sometimes help me to rock my brother and calm him down. This is very valuable.
Do not flag the problem until it occurs
The emergence of a new family member also dictates a change in the usual way of life for everyone else. The child is acutely aware of it. And can provoke jealousy. But we have no such word in the family lexicon. I am convinced that the wolf that you feed wins. If you pay too much attention to the issue of jealousy and constantly repeat to your elders: “Don’t be offended that your brother gets more, your mother loves you too,” you will involuntarily become a victim of your words, and one of the children will definitely begin to feel deprived.
Relax and have fun with your family
In general, with the third child, there is a big reassessment of values, you begin to concentrate on important things and pay less attention to trifles. I’m a creepy perfectionist by nature. It has always been important for me that my daughters are perfectly dressed, go to school with perfectly completed lessons. It was simply impossible to dress three children in everything clean, to have time to feed and send everyone about their business. While you are doing the second, the first has already poured a compote on himself. I reassure myself that it’s okay if one day my daughter goes to school with a stain on her T-shirt. It’s better to save your nerves, it seems to me that a calm mother is the key to family happiness. Right now, for example, Monica is doing her homework while standing on a chair with her feet, shouting something and painting notebooks. You need to have a strong nervous system so as not to start shouting: “Sit on your ass, stop indulging,” but simply let her do her homework as it suits her. Although it is hard for me too, believe me.
Let the child be himself, do not compare him with anyone, do not give extra reasons to feel imperfect.
Recently, for the first time, I had a strong fight with Alina. Due to the fact that she spends a lot of time on the phone. Wasted, it seems to me. I, like all parents, sometimes get carried away in the process of creating a better copy of myself from children, I repeat every day that languages are easier to learn now than at 22, it is also easier to do splits now than at 44. I want them to avoid any then mistakes, and children, like all children, want no one to touch them and just live. So you have to fight first with your daughters, and then with yourself, reminding yourself that they have their own way. And I have nothing to worry about, I have wonderful children, they are the main treasure in my life. One of them came running and pulled by the hand, so I went to do my homework.
Be a team. But every child should have the opportunity to spend time with mom alone.
I teach girls to concentrate on good things, I tell them that we are a family, a team, that we need to support each other, that I cannot cope without them, and my brother cannot be without them, because they are the most important people in his life. Each child should feel needed, have a role to play in the home, and at the same time have a separate time to be alone with their mother. Untouchable. With Monica, for example, we do our homework every day, with Alina we walk the dog.