Hevitra ato Anatiny
The role of the father at birth
It is first of all to be there. To hold his wife’s hand while she gives birth, then cut the cord (if he only wants to), take her baby in her hands and give her her first bath. The father thus gets used to his child and begins to take his human and bodily place with him. Back home, the mother has many more opportunities to touch the baby than the father, especially with breastfeeding. Thanks to this so important and so frequent “skin to skin”, the child becomes attached to her very deeply. The father has nothing to put in his mouth, but he can change it and establish in this exchange of feelings and words his social and emotional bond with the child. He can also be the guardian of his nights, the one who calms, who reassures … A place that he will keep in the imagination of his child.
The father must spend time with his child
Fathers act logically: “My child is cold, I put a blanket on him, then I go.” They are not aware of the importance of their presence with him. Reading the newspaper with the baby next to it in his crib, rather than in another room, makes a difference. Wearing it, changing it, playing with it, then feeding it with little jars help to create a father-child bond in the first months. Men should seek the establishment of paternity leave alternating with that of the mother, during the first nine months of the child. Every business should know that young fathers are entitled to special status for a few months.
What if the father comes home late every evening?
In this case, the father has to spend a lot of time with his child on weekends. The current regime is really not enough for the child to attach as much to the father as to the mother. This is considered a priority, while the relationship with the father is also very important. With her little girl first, around 18 months old. This is the age of the first oedipal fixation. She then wants to get on her knees all the time, put on her glasses, etc. She needs her father to be present and to answer her questions about the differences between the sexes straightforwardly, in order to acquire sufficient emotional security about belonging to the other sex.
The father’s place in the boy
Indeed, around 3 years old, the little boy wants to do “just like his father”. He takes him as a model. By offering him to come with him to pick up his newspaper, by teaching him to ride a bicycle, by helping him start the barbecue, his father is opening up the way for him to become a man. He is the only one who can give him his true place as a male being. It is easier for little boys because they benefit from an oedipus accomplished with their mother, and therefore go into life with the reassuring feeling of being loved, while benefiting from the model of the father.
The role of the father in the event of separation
It’s very difficult. Especially since it happens more and more often that the couple reform themselves individually and that the child thus has exchanges with the new partner of his mother. If the father does not obtain custody of his child, he must make sure to do as much as possible with him when he sees him: going to the cinema, walking, preparing the meal … On the other hand, this is not a reason to spoil him by hoping to win his love in this way, because the relationship then becomes interested and the child risks turning away from his father as a teenager.
Authority sharing between mom and dad
They must agree on the essential points to be respected by the child, that there be the same prohibitions with both parents, the same law for everyone, so that the child can ‘find there. Above all, avoid threatening him with “I’ll tell your mother”. The child does not understand the postponement of a fault. The punishment must fall immediately and he must know that the law is always the law, whether he is at daddy or at mum’s.