Hevitra ato Anatiny
Finding out that a loved one has changed is a painful blow. Why does this crack appear in a relationship? While each couple’s story is always different, coach Arden Mullen reflects on the invisible reasons behind a partner’s infidelity.
Biological predisposition
Does the popular notion that promiscuity in men is genetically based and restrained only by moral norms have any scientific confirmation? Our sex drive is largely dependent on the activity of certain hormones. However, their dominance is not always associated with gender.
For example, the gene responsible for the production of dopamine (“happiness hormone”) plays a role in the promiscuous behavior of both men and women. The more actively he dominates, the more likely that a person has high sexual needs and, perhaps, he will not be limited to one sexual partner. Dopamine is produced due to the physiologically pleasant sensations that, in particular, sex gives.
Studies show that more than fifty percent of men and women with the dominant of this gene are not only prone to risky actions, but also cheat on partners more often than those who have a weakly expressed gene.
The hormone vasopressin, which is responsible for the ability to attach and empathize, is also associated with the regulation of sexual activity. This is the case when gender matters — the severity of these hormones in men explains their greater propensity for fidelity to a partner.
Does this mean that a person with a certain set of genes is more likely to cheat on you? Of course not. This means that he may be more prone to it, however, his behavior is determined not only by genetics. First of all, personal psychological qualities and the depth of your relationship are important.
financial inequality
Research suggests that couples with the same income level are less likely to cheat on each other. Meanwhile, married men who earn significantly more than their wives are more likely to be unfaithful to them. A study by sociologist Christian Munsch (University of Connecticut) shows that housewives find lovers 5% of the time. However, if the decision to run the household and take care of the children is made by a man, the probability of his infidelity is 15%.
Unresolved conflicts with parents
The experiences that haunt us from childhood can contribute to the fact that in a relationship with a partner we repeat a negative scenario. If parents did not know how to resolve family problems and often clashed, then children carry this model of relationships into adulthood. Infidelity to a partner becomes a way to avoid an open and honest conversation.
Despotic, overly controlling parents are often the reason why we out of protest punish a partner who is associated with mother or father with infidelity. In fact, anger and resentment are directed at the parent, with whom we continue to have an internal dialogue.
Relationship with ex-partner
If the chosen one is still full of hot, even negative feelings for the previous partner, it is likely that one day he will return to the past story. He will need to finally figure it out: complete or continue.
We often misinterpret the expression «I hate my ex». This does not mean that the relationship is over, on the contrary, hatred is a strong emotion that maintains an internal connection with a person. In certain situations, this can lead to a renewed relationship.
There can be many reasons that could potentially push a partner to cheat. However, there is always an internal choice — to go to deceive a loved one or not. And everyone is responsible for this choice.
About the judge: Arden Mullen is a coach, blogger.