Hevitra ato Anatiny
Breaking up a relationship is painful for both parties. And if women tend to talk about their feelings and accept help, then men often find themselves hostage to the «boys don’t cry» attitude and hide their emotions. Our heroes agreed to talk about how they survived the breakup.
“Tsy nisaraka ho mpinamana izahay izay nihaona tamin'ny kafe sy nifanakalo vaovao”
Ilya, 34 taona
Toa niaraka foana izahay sy Katya, na inona na inona mitranga. Tsy nieritreritra mihitsy aho hoe ho very izy. Fitiavana mahery no niantombohan’izany rehetra izany, tsy mbola niaina tahaka izao tamin’iza na iza aho nandritra ny 30 taona.
Taloha kelin’ny nihaonanay, dia maty ny reniko, ary i Katya, noho ny bika aman’endriny, dia nanampy ahy ho sitrana kely taorian’ilay faharesen-dahatra. Tsy ela anefa dia nanomboka takatro fa, rehefa namoy ny reniko aho, dia namoy ny raiko koa. Taorian’ny nahafatesany, dia nanomboka nisotro izy. Niahiahy aho, nefa tsy afaka nanao na inona na inona ary tsy nampiseho afa-tsy ny herisetra sy ny fahatezerana.
Nandeha ratsy ny raharaha. Nanana orinasa mpanao fanorenana izahay sy ny mpiara-miasa, tsy nahazo fifanarahana izahay. Heveriko fa tsy ny kely indrindra satria tsy nanana hery na inona na inona aho. Niezaka niresaka tamiko i Katya, nanao dia tsy nampoizina. Nampiseho fahagagan’ny fahatoniana sy ny fandeferana izy. Niditra tao amin’ny efitrano maizina iray aho ary nanidy ny varavarana tao ivohoko.
Tia mandehandeha eran’ny tanàna foana izahay sy Katya, mankany amin’ny natiora. Izao anefa izy ireo dia nanohy nanao izany tao anatin’ny fahanginana tanteraka. Zara raha niteny na nikapoka azy aho. Ny zavatra kely rehetra dia afaka manaisotra. Tsy nangataka famelan-keloka mihitsy. Dia nangina izy namaly.
Tsy noraharahaiko ny hoe nihanitombo ny nijanonany nandritra ny alina niaraka tamin'ny reniny ary, na inona na inona antony, dia nandany ny fotoanany malalaka niaraka tamin'ny namany. Heveriko fa tsy namitaka ahy izy. Izao vao azoko fa tena tsy zakany ny niaraka tamiko.
Rehefa lasa izy, dia tsapako fa nanana safidy aho: hanohy hilentika any amin'ny farany ambany na hanomboka hanao zavatra eo amin'ny fiainako.
Rehefa nilaza tamiko izy fa handeha, dia tsy azoko akory tamin’ny voalohany. Toa tsy azo atao izany. Tamin'izay aho vao nifoha, niangavy azy mba tsy hanao an'izao, mba hanome antsika fahafahana faharoa. Ary nahagaga fa nanaiky izy. Io no tombotsoa nilaiko. Toy ny hoe nahita ny fiainana tamin'ny loko tena izy aho ary nahatsapa fa tena tian'i Katya aho.
We talked a lot, she cried and for the first time in a long time told me about her feelings. And I finally listened to her. I thought that this was the beginning of a new stage — we would get married, we would have a child. I asked her if she wanted a boy or a girl…
Iray volana tatỳ aoriana anefa, dia nilaza tamim-pahatoniana izy hoe tsy afaka miaraka izahay. Lasa ny fihetseham-pony ary te-hijoro marina amiko izy. Tamin'ny fijeriko azy, dia tsapako fa nanapa-kevitra ny zava-drehetra izy tamin'ny farany ary tsy misy dikany ny miresaka momba izany. Tsy nahita azy intsony aho.
We did not part as friends who meet for coffee and tell each other about the news — that would be too painful. When she left, I realized that I had a choice: continue to sink to the bottom or do something with my life. I decided that I needed help. And went to therapy.
Tsy maintsy namaha olana maro tao anatin'ny tenako aho, ary herintaona taty aoriana dia nanjary nazava tamiko ny zavatra maro. Vitako ihany ny nanao veloma an'i Neny, namela ny raiko aho. Ary avelao handeha i Katya.
Manenina be aho indraindray, satria tsy mety ny nifankahita taminy. Raha izao no mitranga dia ho hafa ny fitondran-tenako ary, angamba, tsy handrava na inona na inona. Tsy misy dikany anefa ny miaina ao anatin’ny nofinofy taloha. Azoko ihany koa izany taorian'ny fisarahanay, nandoa vola be ho an'ity lesona ity.
“Ny zavatra rehetra tsy mahafaty no mahatonga anao hatanjaka kokoa” dia hita fa tsy momba anay
Oleg, 32 taona
Lena and I got married after graduation and soon decided to open our own business — a logistics and construction company. Everything went well, we even expanded our team. It seemed that the problems that happen to spouses working together bypass us — we managed to share work and relationships.
Ny krizy ara-bola nitranga dia fitsapana ny tanjaka ho an'ny fianakavianay ihany koa. Tsy maintsy nikatona ny orinasa iray. Nitrosa tsikelikely izahay, fa tsy nikajy ny herinay. Samy nikoropaka izy roa, niampanga azy ireo. Nindram-bola mangingina tamin’ny vadiko aho. Nanantena aho fa hanampy izany, saingy vao mainka nanakorontana ny raharahantsika izany.
Rehefa nambara ny zava-drehetra, dia tezitra i Lena. Nolazainy fa famadihana ilay izy, nofonosiny ny entany ary lasa izy. Nihevitra aho fa ny famadihana no nataony. Nitsahatra tsy niresaka izahay, ary tsy ela, tamin’ny alalan’ny namako, dia hitako tsy nahy fa nanana hafa izy.
Mutual distrust and resentment will always remain between us. The slightest quarrel — and everything flares up with renewed vigor
Formally, this, of course, could not be called treason — we were not together. But I was very worried, I started drinking. Then I realized — this is not an option. I took myself in hand. We began to meet with Lena — it was necessary to decide on our business. The meetings led to the fact that we tried to restore relations, but after a month it became obvious that this “cup” could not be glued together.
Niaiky ny vadiko fa taorian'ny tantara momba ny fampindramam-bola dia tsy afaka natoky ahy izy. Ary tsy namela azy aho noho ny fomba mora nialany sy nanomboka niaraka tamin’olon-kafa. Taorian'ny andrana farany niainana niaraka, dia nanapa-kevitra ny hiala izahay.
It was hard for me for a long time. But understanding helped — we could not live as if nothing had happened after what happened. Mutual distrust and resentment will always remain between us. The slightest quarrel — and everything flares up with renewed vigor. “What does not kill us makes us stronger” — these words were not about us. Still, it is important to protect the relationship and not reach the point of no return.