Hevitra ato Anatiny
With the solution of everyday issues and professional tasks, everything is more or less clear — we women have learned to talk about what we want. But in one area we still forget to state our desires. This area is sex. Why is this happening and what to do about it?
I’ll start with two things. Firstly, neither a tutorial nor a map is attached to our bodies. So why do we expect our partner to understand everything without words? Secondly, unlike men, a woman’s sexual desire is directly related to imagination and fantasies, so we need more time to tune in to sex.
However, women continue to get lost and find it inconvenient to talk about such things. This means that even if a partner starts an honest confidential conversation with you, you are likely to weigh the pros and cons before telling about all your desires. Of course, there are a number of reasons that prevent us from being frank.
WE STILL FEEL SEX IS A MALE PRIVILEGE
In today’s world, women’s sexual needs are still perceived as secondary. Girls are afraid to stand up for themselves, but the ability to defend their interests in bed is part of sexual relations. What exactly do you want? Just say it out loud.
Think not only about your partner: in order to please him, you need to learn how to enjoy the process yourself. Stop mastering the technical side, relax, do not think about the possible shortcomings of your body, focus on desires and listen to the sensations.
WE ARE AFRAID OF HITTING OUR PARTNER’S ELIGIBILITY
Never start with one of the most threatening phrases: “We need to talk about our relationship!” Like it or not, it sounds intimidating, and besides, it shows the interlocutor that you are not ready to solve the problem, but to talk in raised tones.
We tend to think that discussing problems in bed means something is wrong with the relationship. In order not to offend your partner, start the conversation as gently as possible: “I like our sex life, I love having sex with you, but I want to talk to you about something…”
Do not start with criticism: talk about what you like, brings pleasure
Negativity can offend a partner, and he simply will not accept the information that you try to convey to him.
At a certain stage of the relationship, such frank conversations can bring you closer, and overcoming problems together will provide an opportunity to open up yourself and take a fresh look at your partner. In addition, you will understand what exactly you have to work on in a relationship, and be ready for this.
WE ARE AFRAID THAT A MAN WILL JUDGE US
No matter what specifically we say to a partner, we have a fear of being rejected physically or emotionally. There is still a strong belief in society that women don’t ask for sex, they just get it. It all boils down to stereotyping about «good» and «bad» girls, which makes girls think that they are doing the wrong thing when they talk about their sexual desires.
If you think that men can read minds, then you are wrong. Forget about telepathy, talk about your desires directly. Awkward hints will work much worse than an honest and frank conversation. But be prepared for the fact that you may have to be reminded of what was said. This does not mean that he is indifferent — an excited man can forget about the nuances that you noted in a fit of passion.
Sex should stop being a sacred, forbidden topic for you. Do not be afraid of the desires of your body! All you need is to start talking. And be sure to make sure that words do not diverge from deeds. After the conversation, immediately go to the bedroom.
About the Author: Nikki Goldstein is a sexologist and relationship expert.