Hevitra ato Anatiny
A cheerful and carefree kid, having matured, turns into an anxious and restless teenager. He avoids what he once adored. And getting him to go to school can be a miracle. A child psychologist warns about typical mistakes that parents of such children make.
How can parents help? First, understand what not to do. Anxiety in adolescents manifests itself in the same way, but the reaction of parents differs, depending on the style of upbringing adopted in the family. Here are 5 common parenting mistakes.
1. They cater to teen anxiety.
The parents pity the child. They want to relieve his anxiety. They are trying to do everything possible for this.
- Children stop going to school and switch to remote learning.
- Children are afraid to sleep alone. Their parents let them sleep with them all the time.
- Children are afraid to try new things. Parents do not encourage them to step out of their comfort zone.
Assistance to the child must be balanced. Do not push, but still encourage him to try to overcome his fears and support him in this. Help your child find ways to cope with anxiety attacks, encourage his struggle in every possible way.
2. They force a teenager to do what he is afraid of too soon.
This error is the exact opposite of the previous one. Some parents try too aggressively to deal with teenage anxiety. It is hard for them to watch the child suffer, and they try to make him face his fear face to face. Their intentions are the best, but they implement them incorrectly.
Such parents do not understand what anxiety is. They believe that if you force children to face fear, then it will immediately pass. Forcing a teenager to do something for which he is not yet ready, we can only exacerbate the problem. The problem requires a balanced approach. Giving in to fears will not help a teenager, but too much pressure can also have an undesirable result.
Teach your teenager to overcome small difficulties. Big results come from small victories.
3. They put pressure on a teenager and try to solve his problems for him.
Some parents understand what anxiety is. They understand so well that they try to solve the problem for their children themselves. They read books. Do psychotherapy. They try to lead the child by the hand along the entire path of the struggle.
It is unpleasant to see that the child does not solve his problems as quickly as you want. It’s a shame when you understand what skills and abilities a child needs, but he does not use them.
You cannot «fight» for your child. If you are trying to fight harder than the teenager himself, there are two problems. First, the child begins to hide anxiety when the opposite should be done. Secondly, he feels an unbearable burden on himself. Some kids just give up as a result.
A teenager must solve his own problems. You can only help.
4. They feel like the teenager is manipulating them.
I have met many parents who were convinced that children use anxiety as an excuse to get their way. They say things like: «He’s just too lazy to go to school» or «She’s not afraid to sleep alone, she just likes to sleep with us.»
Most teenagers are ashamed of their anxiety and will do anything to get rid of the problem.
If you feel that teenage anxiety is a form of manipulation, you will react with irritation and punishment, both of which will exacerbate your fears.
5. They don’t understand anxiety
I often hear from parents: “I don’t understand why she is afraid of this. Nothing bad has ever happened to her.» Parents are tormented by doubts: “Maybe he is being bullied at school?”, “Maybe she is experiencing psychological trauma that we do not know about?”. Usually, none of this happens.
The predisposition to anxiety is largely determined by genes and is inherited. Such children are prone to anxiety from birth. This does not mean that they cannot learn to deal with the problem and overcome it. It only means that you should not endlessly search for the answer to the question “Why?”. Adolescent anxiety is often irrational and unrelated to any events.
How to help a child? In many cases, a psychotherapist is needed. What can parents do?
To support an anxious teenager, you first need to
- Recognize the theme of anxiety and find what provokes it.
- Teach your child to cope with seizures (yoga, meditation, sports).
- Encourage the child to overcome obstacles and difficulties caused by anxiety, starting with the easy, gradually moving to the more difficult.
About the author: Natasha Daniels is a child psychologist and mother of three.